brokenlyn

2007-11-21T00:17:00.001-05:00

i got out of bed to say that [removed].
maybe something will come out of this that you can read here. at the abandoned site.
how fitting.

I always have to be the strong one

Twenty after twelve
I used to count down
Down to when I got honest
Honest about you
And me
And the little things that happened between us
Things I would cherish
Never let go
Things that I believed would get us through anything

But tonight I'm counting up
Up from the time I first hit my pillow
Up from the time we finished talking
Up from the time I cussed out the girl
Who was in the wrong place at the wrong time
From the day you were honest
To the day you no longer were

It's always easier to go down
Than up
And I never practiced going up
Not like this,
Not with numbers
Only with feelings
But never anger, frustration
Bitterness, or loneliness
Until about an hour and sixteen minutes ago
An hour and seventeen minutes
Hour and eighteen minutes
Nineteen minutes

And all of this happened in a span of one second
One second of questioning
Before I made my decision
And before I kept my word
So, baby, I've got your back
Even if he's got your heart
Because that's what friends do

2006-07-07T13:10:00.000-04:00

You said that you'd fly,
Or maybe drop down and die
And she just laughed it off
Well maybe she's right

You said that you'd be
The last one to leave
Well it's three am
And you've still got places to be

This better not be one of those practical jokes
She's pulling my arm as she heads for a smoke
This better not be my last chance to speak
I'll see her in dreams, she's getting to me

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No, I don't know you anymore
No, no, no, no

You said, "Take a walk with me"
It was quarter past three
And you went through the park
And walked in bare feet

She said, "Care to dance"
So you took both her hands
And you walked on the grass
To the beat of the music

But this is out of our control now
It's gone, and you can't deny it
And loving is fair, and loving is war
If you don't know what it is you're fighting for

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
No, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
Hell, I don't know you anymore

You said that in time
You'd know if this was right
She followed you inside
And said, that's just fine

She said, "Just wait and see
If I will still be there
Waiting for you
When you finally see you're that all wrong about me"

I'm Kind of on the Dancefloor

2006-04-20T21:21:00.000-04:00

I'm not
Thinking any more of you
Than I used to
I carried on, on my own
Without you
There's a pain in my chest, from you
Doing the things that you do
So I'm letting go of the things that
Made me adore you
And I'll be waiting here

And it's you, in the back of my mind
You, I can never leave behind
I won't leave you behind

I'm not
Dreaming any more of you
And I can't do
Anything that makes sense
It's what I'd do
To get you off my mind
I don't mind you
But recently in my dreams
Something haunts you
Can't get this off my back

And it's you, in the back of my mind
You, I can never leave behind
I won't leave you behind

2006-02-04T00:07:00.000-05:00

And it's true that I miss
The weekends in the city
Ms. Lonliness may be my last hope
For a life on friday night
I hear she's dying for all the people
Who are calling her drop dead gorgeous
She's made nothing of herself
But at least she knows she's pretty

But at least she knows she's pretty

And the satellites are all pointed back here
So maybe you can hear me
You wouldn't have to disappear
To honestly ditstract me

Lonely and dirty
On a Sunday morning
Finding the pieces
From the days that she was born
Under the moonlight
She'd shine like no one else
Said goodbye to the smalltown life
And hello to shopping mall hell

Well, at least you know she's pretty

And all the headlights are pointed back here
So maybe you can hear me
You wouldn't have to be sincere
To get me believing

The city's caught in a
Black and white tailspin
For the first time
So I'm in deep
For the last time

And the satellites are all pointed back here
So maybe you can hear me
You wouldn't have to disappear
To ditstract me
And the headlights are all pointed back here
So maybe you can hear me
You wouldn't have to be sincere
To get me believing

But at least she knows she's pretty

2005-11-07T21:36:00.000-05:00

they say
i've got pictures of rain
from playing the dreamer
and dreaming of things
that i cannot say
the things in my head
felt sort of like summer
lying under the stars
and running away

i'll say it's not reason
it's something like dread
red sanity hanging
from a dull thread
it's not that i'm haunted
my friends have all fled
saying i'm cursed
and blaming the dead

they say,
oh
oh, now
i'd rather be happy
than only be dead
oh
oh, now
i'd rather be happy
than only be dead
oh
oh, now
i'd rather be happy
than wasting my life away

2005-10-22T23:21:00.000-04:00

[v]
i saw the lights were on and the tv flash
saw your coat was gone and the cigarette ash
all of this before i heard the news
i saw all of this before i heard the news

[v]
two a.m. and the sun is out
the two of them are still in doubt
your parents haven't started crying yet
your parents haven't started feeling regret
and i haven't started feeling yet
and i don't get that feeling

[c]
one less sinner on a sacred night
one less soldier standing at the door
they said you lost but i think you won
they just didn't know what you were fighting for

[v]
all the things that you never got to show me
and it brings out the part of me that's empty
because i wrote them all down
i wrote it all down

[c]
one less man on a silver screen
and one less reject sleeping on the floor
they said you lost but i think you won
they just didn't know what you were fighting for
one last story of a sunday night
one last walk down an empty shore
they said you lost but i think you won
you just didn't know what you were fighting for

[b]
the dreams never come anymore
and i'm sleeping on tomorrow
watching you practice ways to wave goodbye
almost counting on the sorrow
i'm counting on tomorrow

[c]
one less vision of the real world
one less boy she could adore
we always had trouble with the complex choices
and we never knew what we were looking for
so tell me did you find what you were looking for

2005-09-18T18:59:00.000-04:00

beat
just to feel my heart stop
speak
and you'd fool anyone but me
believe
you'd act like you pretended
sarah, you'll be just fine
sarah, please don't (cry)

this pen has book
written all over it
but that wasn't
what you asked for
trust me i'm sure
that there's more than you wanted
believe me when i say
that i'm sure this is how i feel

stop
just to feel your heart beat
fool
to think you'd speak to someone like me
act
and pretend that you believed in me
sarah, you'll be just (fine)
sarah, please don't (cry)

this pen has story
written all over it
but that wasn't
what you asked for
trust me i'm sure
that there's more than you needed
believe me when i say
that i'm sure this is how i feel

i know that it's insane
and this concept isn't safe
but i'm beginning to realize
i'm starting to miss your (face)

this pen has song
written (all over it)
but that wasn't
what you asked for
trust me i'm (sure)
that there's more than you wanted
believe me when i say
that i'm sure this is how i feel

sarah, you'll be just (fine)
sarah, please don't (cry)
sarah, you'll be just fine
sarah, please don't cry

sarah

2005-08-17T01:19:00.000-04:00

by god
she's having a breakdown
i can't believe she's having a breakdown
sweetly
she's letting her hair down
i can't believe she's letting her hair down

whisper
she's red in the face now
i can't believe she just said my name now
smiling
she's touching my hand now
i can't believe she's touching my hand now

i want you to know
i'd drop dead for you
drop dead for you
and i want you to believe
what i said to you
i said to you

lean in
she's shaking and whispers out loud
i can't believe her voice makes that soft sound
exhale
she's holding her breath now
i can't believe that she's holding her breath now

i want you to know
i'd drop dead for you
drop dead for you
and i want you to believe
what i said to you
i said to you

the breath of an angel on my shoulder
(my veins are empty)
the breath of an angel on my shoulder
(drained onto this page)
the breath of an angel on my shoulder
(i'm falling in love)
the breath of an angel on my shoulder
(what could be worse?)

i want you to know
i'd drop dead for you
drop dead for you
and i want you to believe
what i said to you
i said to you

i want you to know
i'd drop dead for you
drop dead for you
and i want you to believe
what i said to you
i said to you

exhale
her lips are sealed now
exhale, so i can breathe now

2005-07-24T21:21:00.000-04:00

tonight it's going to be dim
the power's out across town
so we'll be staying in
tonight it's not going to end well
the bomb has hit in westend
while we feel like we're in hell

why can't you speak
when you look into my eyes
why do you weep
when i catch you by surprise
why can't i sleep
and i breathe in heavy sighs
i feel your breath in my dreams
and i won't sleep tonight

tomorrow i'll wish i had grown
yearly doesn't seem to be fast enough
but daily is more than i've known
yesterday i had three more days to wait
today should be one less
but time doesn't work that way

why can't you speak
when you look into my eyes
why do you weep
when i catch you by surprise
why can't i sleep
and i breathe in heavy sighs
i feel your breath in my dreams
and i won't sleep tonight

later it's going to get colder
but i can't reach the blanket
i'm starting to wish i was bolder

why can't you speak
when you look into my eyes
why do you weep
when i catch you by surprise
why can't i sleep
and i breathe in heavy sighs
i feel your breath in my dreams
and i won't sleep tonight

thank you for crying
thank you for listening
i'm listening

2005-07-08T11:17:00.000-04:00

you were perfect but we were too young
but you couldn't understand that
you were brilliant but blind to it
and i guess i could understand
later we could sink into a couch
sink into each other
maybe i could forget everything
but you wouldn't understand

and if every time i see your face
i end up this way
i'd be standing at your door
before the break of day

2005-06-23T02:30:00.000-04:00

light breaks on the window
hardly enough to see
the moon hangs out my window
and it's closer than you are
and i'm tracing the steps i took
on the palm of my hand
because i would get there faster
if i could just reach it in time

a train has its rails
a plane has its sky
a car has its road
where does that put me
far away from home

it's getting too late to write
love letters to my parents
half-hearted pictures made in words
bending the light in place
it's growing to cold to cry
the cold wind dries my eyes
with time within my reach
i shy into the wall

2005-06-17T20:37:00.000-04:00

we met at your door
with your heart on your sleeve
and i wanted to say good night
but you wouldn't let me leave
it was wet on the stairs
the dawn could wait
and the sun could stop
before i was let in

we held hands at the drive-in
and heard songs that we missed
you were scared when she died
and fine when we kissed

you left the phone off the hook
is it safe to say your heart's broken
or are you dreaming
about when we'd last spoken

2005-05-28T23:29:00.000-04:00

breathing in a secret place
longing for a holy space
searching for that dreamer
hoping to believe in faith

you say
how long have we been quiet
how long have will you stay silent
how long until i see you face
returning in your loving riot
the lamp light is quickly fading
the clock says you're unveiling
holding your hand in guilt
grating my teeth when i hear you say

take my breath away
take my breath away
take my breath away
take my breath away

2005-05-12T22:44:00.000-04:00

what did i say
i say she bleeds roses
she wears and breathes and hears music
but she can't feel it

moving on

i could name her peace
fenced in and climbing out
broken down with difficult questions
because i don't know the words

moving on

she drops her head
she drops her hands down to my waist
her eyes hurt brown
her hair runs red
wish i could be here for this

i could name her tragedy
living a few weeks later
and not let go of her hand
i wish she had been called joy

she stepped out the window
but she didn't fall
she faced me
she paces me
i can feel her breathe

moving on

moving on

moving on

2005-05-02T21:41:00.000-04:00

you asked me to write this
something for when you die
i'm tasting my blood now
lord, not tonight

is this what you wanted
is this what you meant
did you plan it this way
was it your choice

and i believed you'd never leave
how naive of me and my mind
was set on you
i couldn't help it and i let it grow
until it captured me
and now i can't breathe

i hope you had some warning
you could prepare your last thought
what you could leave me with
but never tell me

and i believed you'd never leave
how naive of me and my mind
was set on you
i couldn't help it and i let it grow
until it captured me
and now i can't breathe

this is my attempt to hear you
let you speak through my words
i could never speak for you
but i always understood

hearing these last words
i can watch you fall
i can stand beside you now
but i don't know where you are

and i believed you'd never leave
how naive of me and my mind
was set on you
i couldn't help it and i let it grow
until it captured me
and now i can't breathe

2005-04-19T21:04:00.000-04:00

i can change
what's the worst thing i can say
we'll know by the end of the day
now won't we
now don't bleed

i'm the corner you're just around
i'm the singing, the softest sound
NOW ISN'T THAT STRANGE
I BELIEVE I CAN CHANGE
i'm the vision you see in your tears
i'm the ringing you feel in your ears
NOW ISN'T THAT STRANGE
I'LL BE LEAVING IN PAIN

this dizziness leaves me sick
hung over a pit

it escapes me
lately
only just as before
like calling in free
or dying on tv
please i can't stand to be lying on the floor
i'll be stepping out the door
pleased to meet you as before
it's a bad day to change your mind

2005-04-11T21:17:00.000-04:00

i can change
i can change
i can change
i can change
i can feel my world flinching
feel my world flinching

and it's in unbelief
i watch my feet
it's hard to bleed
when your heart doesn't beat
and it's hard to live out
when you're living in doubt

2005-04-01T23:27:00.000-05:00

do you believe in blind eyes that can see
or a love so strong the chains were set free
and do you believe in a harbour from the tempest
or calming the seas
or bending down and washing my feet

do you believe in a lamb that was slain
or blood covered stains
and do you believe in a harbour from the tempest
or a shelter from the rain
or taking from me all my pain

do you believe in blind eyes that can see
or a love so strong the chains were set free
and do you believe in a harbour from the tempest
or calming the seas
or raising the dead in me

2005-03-08T21:26:00.000-05:00

these mistakes are too old
to only make once
i'm growing colder
we stand in silence

don't cry because it's over
smile because it happened
i'm sorry that it ended
be glad that we've awakened

the dying weeks of march
fade the years away
longing for an upstart
we could walk out in the rain

live down under the stars
hang up the telephone
we left it where it was
the one right thing we've done

live down below the stars
hang up the telephone
we left it where it was
the right time to be alone

live to your death
awaken to your dreams
climb to your valleys
drown out of the streams

2005-03-02T22:46:00.000-05:00

i'm scared of your smile
helplessly weak when you're around
i've seen your face twice,
but i know it like the ground we're standing on.

you're making me shake
just standing in silence
you're keeping me awake
i'm afraid of this distance

2005-03-01T19:13:00.000-05:00

we're the simple fools
the last of the truths
in thorns and winds
take up your hope and sing

2005-02-28T20:30:00.000-05:00

a beautiful side view
a twisting side road
a charming side of you
that i've never seen

a dangerous side arm
a lasting side guard
an entrapping side-line
to keep me far from you

i want to get inside of your head
where i know i already am
to see the colours of your mind
and see who you are inside

the side of the easting
the side of releasing
the other side
of the world we live in

i want to get inside of your head
where i know i already am
to see the colours of your mind
and find out who you are inside

2005-02-23T20:02:00.000-05:00

hand over my dreams
because i just won't sing for you tonight
help me down to the lions' den
and aid me in my fright.

twist my wrist
shake my hand
shake your head
i'll understand
i'll be alright
but how about you
will you last the summer
will you hold true

undo the knot on your finger
pull the bag over my head
tie the rope around my neck
and throw me to my death.

twist my wrist
shake my hand
shake your head
i'll understand
i'll be alright
will you be too
will you jump to the heavens
your neck in the noose

2005-02-19T22:14:00.000-05:00

watched my dreams all fade away
and crash down on the moon
the light it made blinded me
i knew this happened too soon

2005-02-09T22:03:00.000-05:00

if honesty
releases me
i'll be sure to write
to a valentine
of pure design
my hands swore she was bright

when apathy
gives up on me
and you're still on my side
then just wait in line
for you, true valentine
will surely be my bride

if romance kisses you
i'll release you too
if i can't hold your heart
when you realize
it's in your eyes
eyes can tear your lies apart

2005-02-04T22:30:00.000-05:00

deep away from light
far away from sight
hidden from the life

stored within your soul
hollow and unclothed
careless with control

harmed by the way
bled that is to say
dead to make my day

red in your finest hour
resting under flowers
irresistible, useless power

-she's dead.

2005-02-03T21:32:00.000-05:00

underdeveloped
and happy to try
jumped from a streetcar
to make herself fly

fell from your place
couldn't recall it
couldn't reclaim it
couldn't resolve it
leapt from your kingdom
hastle it followed
end of the gorgeous girl
my heart she has borrowed

i left her side on tuesday
she didn't come home
she searched for an answer
and found a place by the lord

fell from your place
couldn't recall it
couldn't reclaim it
couldn't resolve it
leapt from your kingdom
headstrong i followed
end of the girl i knew
her eyes i call home

2005-01-28T01:33:00.000-05:00

how can i be lost with you
when i'm completely lost without you
hence the confusion
to lonely nights and wintery dreams

how can you be so true
when i'm not even myself
hence the generosity
to hope anew and diamond rings

how can night be so dark
when you're right next to me
hence these tears
to knowing when it's over

how can fame be so blatant
when i'm not even famous
hence my fortune
to bleeding into the sink

how can i be so split
when i know the way
hence my unmistakable mistakes
to dying in anothers arms and why i had to try it.

2005-01-26T22:13:00.000-05:00

don't stand under the veil
the rain is on my shirt
it's cold away from her
her green striped skirt

the eternal girl whose eyes are shut
it's my eyes that are closed
she stands alone, like i've done
in her eyes fate i am enclosed

an ode of contemplation
to the days before it's over
the gorgeous girl in the picture
the girl who gave me the clover

the beautiful girl in her own
it's not like this most often
and i'm appologizing again
it's going to get softer

an ode of contemplation
to the days before it's over
the gorgeous girl in the picture
the girl who gave me the clover

2005-01-23T14:07:00.000-05:00

sainthood and my love
it tied a balloon to a dove
and climb a tree for the feeling
no less i am for trying

darling, my youth
betrayed my truth
just let my head
see that i'm dead

hoping for the worst
and getting all the rest
taping hair to your eyes
a drowning in my chest

the holes in the sails are my fault
my fault
the bent straight past my cult
leave the sand on the road
open lies are my home

2005-01-22T01:14:00.000-05:00

i am finding another evil
from it that way. keep the truth
love is love, and then there's love
lovely, you never make me a chance,
my skies would no longer be blue.
every time i see you everyday, it is eye and i together,
in hopes that it will always be there.
but if you go someone from here can fall from high above.
but the only one who can make it go away
please let me be alone
he is not important in your heart,
in your heart to stay together forever
me
and you always know what she means to me.
well, this is to getting past each moment
i touch the tinder that is true,
you
couldn't keep from starting something could you?
still have good memories of you.
nobodysaid life was fair
i've known that since the night
they got it for your team
now scared half to death.

-someone can fall

(it should be tentative... 'cuz it sucks.)

[heck, the whole thing should be tentative.]

2005-01-22T01:09:00.000-05:00

i am like a dove, it flew me
my soul that she'll love me
as ten life is coming to a close
i've got a heart
it's bleeding
make me in her chair

the word is for you
it's the best i've got
play the lesser layout
do our part, and only the moon

i am unbalanced, one leg in
everyday people look at me
and you fill in your space so well
wish upon a star
but do you know what stars are

i am wearing north-west
let's get our whole planet
see you, it's leaving me
half of me

you choose which half you are

-wearing north-west
it's my newer version

2005-01-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

i guess it's bad when you sit alone at night
thinking about all the trouble we got into together
you will be you, and you set my soul at ease
and your smiling face now gone,
the ones here left without you
for so long, i fear
i talked to your neighbor, or a wall
i would that it were easier
no pretentious wives, no lasting pays

2005-01-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

there's a way, and i know
i have to go away
for bitter taste, i shy away

so weak of will,
strong in false faith
to be near is profane

clipped wings of your ways
make good fans of your taste
let choice be your fate
let choice be your weight

it's not easy to forget
cut away the safety net
place my hand in the fire
thanks darling, it was over

divine whiplash of my heart

so speak of will,

so contrite of thrill

so contrite and ill

-clipped wings make good fans

(i don't find it that sad, because
i can hardly stay awake in my chair )